A nostalgic smile
by ChiisanaAnisa
Summary: Mamoru doesn't have his memories back, and Usagi feels down more and more very day. With one dream comes a salvation . . . for both of them.


Disclaimer: I do not . . . yadda - yadda - yadda . . . (O com' on guys - ye all know what's said here!)

IMPORTANT AN: This is happening somewhere in the first half of the second season - and that means that Mamoru DOESN'T have his memories. This fic is about his memories coming back, or what should rather happen if they didn't. Oh, well, I honestly do hope you'll like it. Go on . . .

WARNING: It may seems as a completely different story at the beginning, so read carefully. It all fits in one big story, you should be able to figure it out. I'm sorry if I made them sound and look more than OOC. But this is a fan-fiction, and it IS my story. I just tried to see it from a different angle. You'll see. At the beginning of the story Usagi seems as her usual self, but as the story progresses you can see she's changed. Matured maybe. I made her intentionally so. So don't complain or flame me 'cause of it. I won't take it. I remind you again - THIS is just a STORY.

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"A nostalgic smile"

By Chiisana Anisa

My quote: 

"Smile even when you want to weep.

Cover with that smile the secrets of your soul. 

In this dark world with your life in his keep,

that would the pain of your tears adore."

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It was another beautiful, bright morning. The birds singing outside my window, a slight breeze rumbling the tree, and the first beams of sunlight coming in. Just waking up, turning around to glance at my watch and see . . . freakin' 7 o'clock?! What the hell?!! I think not, so I turned around, back to my dear wall again, letting myself to drift to that oh, so familiar la-la-land of dreams. That is, until I heard my mothers voice screeching for me to get up. Why do I need to get up so early? Whom did I ever do wrong?!

Groggily, with my eyes still half closed I got my butt out of the bed and stammered across my room towards my closet. But only to remember that my school uniform (the one I Oh-so-much-love) was still drying up in the bathroom from past night. Turning on my heels I left to pick it up. God, I hate this! Who ever made up school owes me one hell of a explanation!

Returning to my room, now fully but clumsily dressed I checked the watch again - Good heavens - I'm going to be late!!! I rushed out of my room, zoom-zoomed trough the kitchen and living room, catching a toast in my mouth on the way, picked up my bag and ran from the house. You would think I was learned to being late, but every single time I ran like a thousand devils from Hell was after me!

*CRASH* (running in something)

*bump* (my buttocks kissing the brick stone sidewalk)

Speaking of Hell . . . A brick stone wall, all too familiar and all too good to be true. I swear - that guy should be forbidden to walk on the Earth surface! That jerk with perfectly carpeted out face, that idiot with his eyes dark and bluer than any existing blue colour ever known to me, the Satan himself with his dark hair blacker that then the night, that diamond fruit from garden of Good and Evil, looking sooooo good, now smirking at me . . . just teasing me to 'taste' him. I ask again: "What did I ever do wrong?".

"Well, good morning to you too, Odango atama!" - he 'addressed' me, his grin spreading even further more on his face, looking at me with mischief in his eyes, that were also smiling at me with amusement. God, he is so gorgeous! Handsome, pretty, beautiful . . . wait . . . Meatball head?!

I groaned a loudest groan ever, mentally slapping myself at the back of my head for letting my thoughts go high, too high for pleasure. "Listen now, Mr. Baka-grinning-like-an-idiot, get out of the way! AND DON'T CALL ME ODANGO ATAMA!!!" - I yelled at him. What did he do, you ask? Oh, you see . . .

He freakin' bowed (bowed!!) to me and said: "To your service." before taking off. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I HATE HIM!!!

Ok, Usagi we already established that, thank you very much! said my dear conscience to me. I said myself to shut up, remembering that it isn't a good thing to talk with yourself. I groaned again, and this time slammed the palm of my arm against my forehead. Glancing at the clock, I squeaked and run to the school, already knowing I was going to be late. AGAIN.

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-SCHOOL OVER!-

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Life couldn't be better - with and F from biology!!! Yeah, just peachy again. I looked at that big, red F across my test paper, then stuffed it in my bag, not even caring if it would wrinkle. It's not like I don't know what my mother will say. She would repeat her speech, lock me out of the house for three hours, then tell me that my brother (that dim-wit!) ate all of my pancakes, and send me to my room 'to study'. YEAH RIGHT!!

Seeing the "Arcade" sign, made my heart jump. I still had a chance to relax a bit and enjoy before scowling at home. The bell announced my magnificently small person coming in, and a pair of brown eyes, shining with happiness greeted me. But the other one, that 'un-existable' blue ones, didn't even take an effort to acknowledge my presence. I fumed and deliberately sat by him. Just wait you Baka!

Motoki, swung the apron over his shoulder asking: "As usual?", and proceeded with my nod. I looked at Satan again, trying to figure out what was he doing, but he had his head propped up on his left elbow, and in that way blocking my view of anything he was reading at the moment. I tried to see it better, leaning slightly over the counter, but without success. So, I turned my head to Motoki. "What's up with him?" - I asked shaking my head at Mamoru's direction. Motoki shrugged, thus showing me he had no idea whatsoever. Great help!

I tapped my foot against the counter, with a slow pace at the beginning, but it speeded up eventually when my mind registered that he didn't even flinch at the noise. The nerve of that guy! I started knocking my nails at the glanced surface of the counter, making them go in a rhythm with my foot still bagging at the bottom. Nothing! I threw my hands in the air screaming "I give up!!" and received more than few strange glares from the people inside. Only then he moved . . . from one arm to another and let out a sigh.

Now I could see - he was reading one of his science books, with all that formulas and . . . whatever! I sipped the last of my milk-shake and jumped of the chair. "Ne!" to Motoki and I was out. Who gives a damn about him anyway!? Well, I'll better prepare for my mother . . .

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Motoki stared at the blond girl running down the street, and upon hearing the screeching of tires he knew she was the reason. Always the same, Usagi! He smiled, but his face scowled when his look averted from the doors to his friend, still sitting in the same position.

"Ne, Mamoru?"

Nothing. Ok . . .

He waved his hand in front of Mamoru's face, but it still held that stiffened look. Now he got slightly annoyed. Taking his apron off his shoulder and rolling it up like newspapers he smacked his 'best-friend' on his dark head. Hard.

"What on the Earth . . .? Eh, Motoki!" - Mamoru said like seeing Motoki for the first time in years.

"What's the matter with you? Where were you right now? Or should I say for the last fifteen minutes." - Motoki asked still staring at Mamoru with annoyance.

Dumb look, full of questions plastered onto Mamoru's face. "What do you mean?" Did he miss anything?

"You blind idiot! That poor girl tried everything in her power to wake you up from your trance, but nothing had the affect. So she left!" - Motoki waved his hands at the doors, and Mamoru's eyes followed. "What girl?"

"Man, ar you dumber then you look? Usagi! Who else?"

"Wait! Usagi was here?!"

Motoki felt the anger placing itself on the former place of annoyance, "What did I just . . . Oh, I give up too!" He turned around and headed towards the storage room, mumbling something about needing a new pack of sugar.

In the middle of all of that, Mamoru still had that dumb, stunned look on his face. But it changed into a grin. So, as it seems his plan was working for now! Letting out a slight chuckle, he closed his book with a *tap*, picked it up with his left hand, and with his right hand payed for his coffee. Exiting the doors of the Arcade, a smile still graced his lips, and in his mind was repeated rhythm of her gentle fingers on the counter. It was so easy . . .

~

I really don't believe him! He acted as if I was thin air, nothing, zip, nadda, zero! Take your pick! It nerved, not to be noticed at all. ME! of all the people - not to be noticed?! Can that sound even more weider? Ugh! My brain is going to pop if I don't stop thinking about him. Yeah, I'll just do that . . . 

Then on the second thought - he did say hello when we bumped this morning, and then at the Arcade - nothing! But why? Was he really studying that hard? Or . . . maybe he did notice me and only pretended?

Heh, Mamoru, Mamoru, I'm not that stupid! Yup, that's gotta be it! He's playing with me! Yay, I did it again, I solved the puzzle!! Oi, Usagi and if you're wrong? my conscience asked me, but I knew I wasn't wrong this time. This just gotta be one of his evil schemes for teasing me and pushing my limits. Well, two can play this game!

Nodding fiercely with my head in approval of my thoughts I stepped into my house, only to be out again after my mom's decision to make me half-deaf and freeze outside. (AN: Imagine it's an early spring and later in the evening - she had a detention, then the Arcade - you get it?) But that gave me enough time to make my plan perfect to the last details! And what a plan it would be in reality! I grinned humanly impossible entering the house again and received strange looks from my family. I ignored them and went directly upstairs, to write it all down.

But in the living room .. . "Ne, honey, do you think Usagi's up to something?" - Ikuko asked her husband. He shrugged in his response, so she decided to blow it away and went back to the kitchen. Kenji on the other hand added, only for himself : "This is not good . . .", opening sports page in the newspapers and thus closing this 'theme'.

Plan was officially finished. And I'm beaten to death by sleeping. I need to sleep . . . Zzz . . . Zzz . . .

~

Once again I killed my alarm clock with my death glare, because if I even tried to smash it against the wall like the last one, my father wouldn't be responsible for his acts. And I wouldn't blame him, too. I think this one was the seventh on the waiting smashing list. O, never mind! I need to buy some ramen, fresh from the down-store for school (Mom told me she wouldn't do it for me until I get my grades up), I need to copy my (make that Ami's) homework, I need to . . . I need to hurry!!

*WHAM!*

Here we go again... Whoa! Nothing?

"Hey, Mamoru no Baka, you could say your sorry!" - he didn't turn around. So, I went after and in front of him, causing him to stop. But, nooo, he just surpassed me and continued on walking his nose deep down in his book, once again. What the heck?!

An evil smile graced my lips, I'm sure of it, when the first act of my plan begin to lay out. "Hey, Mister you dropped something from your book!" And he turned around like a roller-coster. Slowly walking over to me, he closed his book, and approached even closer taking a blank paper out of my hands. Then he gave me a puzzled look, and asked me one question the would break my plan completely. "Thank you. (pause) Sorry, but do I know you from somewhere?"

No, no, no... You have gotta be kiddin' me, ne? Mamoru doesn't know me? What kind of a sick game is he trying to pull?

"What do you mean you idiot? I tried everything for you to notice me yesterday and even now, and you tell me you don't know me? What's wrong with you? Is this just one more of your evil teasing games for me, Mamoru?"

Still puzzled, he kept staring at me like I've grown second head or something, obviously not knowing anything. "Miss, I really don't know why do you think you know me, I've seen you for the first time ever. And how do you know my name?"

*sigh* He just doesn't give up! "Ne, Mamoru, did you hit your head or something? Of course I know you - for seven months now to be exact! You honestly don't remember?"

He shook his head, his black bangs falling in his mystery eyes. "I'm sorry. But you must have mistaken me for someone else. I only moved here a month ago!"

He was starting to annoy me very quickly. How long does he plans on doing this little play? But the way he said it, the words . . . they sounded too sincere, too truthfull. I grabbed his arm and yanked him, in an attempt to 'wake' him. "Baka! Now I know you're just playing me! I know you have lived here, in Azubu for years! You can't fool me."

He caught my wrist and gently but with somewhat strange urge removed it from his arm, looking at me like I was some kind of a lunatic. "Now listen to me you little girl, I really don't know who told you all that stuff about me, or if you're stalking me, but I warn you - stop pushing it. I don't know you, and I don't know where did you get the privilege of knowing me - so back off!" As soon as that was said he turned around and took off to God knows where.

But I was left to stand there. For some unknown reason my mind refused to receive any knowledge about his short outburst towards me. He doesn't know me - for real? How can that be? I lost my breath, my world seemed to start rolling around me, and before touching the cold stone of the street I swear I heard my heart breaking for something that actually wasn't there.

~

I gasped for air, sitting straight up in my bed, clutching the pink sheets in my small hands. A dream, it was all a dream - nothing more. Sweat-drops poured down my face, and down my back, so I got up, still slightly shaken, to change myself. But getting to the drawer with my pyjamas was a bit more of a task then I thought. Eventually I did change, and then sleep refused to come to me once again. I didn't know if the reason was that I was afraid of dreaming something like that again or it was just a coincidence. I walked up to my window, and almost instantly Moon caught my attention. So sweet, it made me think about love - every time I saw it. That love we had. Once. But now . . . As he said it - he doesn't know me. Not anymore.

To him I'm just Usagi the Crybaby. Nothing more and nothing less. He doesn't know of my alter ego, Sailor Moon, or that I'm the Princess of the Moon, Serenity. Just Usagi. At first that was fine with me because deep down I wanted him to love me for who I am. But now... I don't know, sometimes I wish that he would remember everything and stop teasing me for every thing I do. Maybe that's what my dreams are telling me. That I want him to remember. But how?

My mind playing tricks on me, produced an image of a cloaked figure in the shadows outside my window. I jumped nervously back, and then at ease stepped front. The figure was just retreating and running away. It was headed to one direction I knew too good. The park.

Not hesitating a second I grabbed my jacket, or rather pulled it causing the chair to come down with it and hit me in my leg. I tried to scream but remembered that I was most likely to end up in a mental hospital after shrieking in the middle of the night like some fresh fruit-cake. And not to mention that my father would have kittens after hearing me yelling. That or I would be hanging on the near by tree. So, I swallowed the scream down my throat and quickly pulled my balcony doors open running after the 'intruder'.

After fifteen minutes of hard running, I was now standing in the middle of the park, just where five paths crossed themselves. Which one to take? There were no footprints that I could follow and all this howling behind me didn't help one bit. I felt a cold running up my spine, startling my blood to no end, and I twisted my head sharply to the left. 

There.

On the patio towards the garden balcony on the east side of the park a figure stood. Calm. Unmoving. As if dead. I shredded under the thought, when I felt my legs leading me to it. My mind didn't oppose, but something in the back of it, hit the alarm for mistakes. This is going to be a mistake. But in what way? I stopped the trail of my thoughts when the figure became familiar. 

Who else?

After all - it was our balcony, and our garden. Mamoru stood there gazing at the Moon, and it seemed like he didn't blink at all, constantly looking at it as if he was mesmerised by its appearance. It was full Moon tonight, and his lonesome figure made an exquisite scene. He reminded me of some long ago fallen warrior that looked lost in this world and yet fitted so . . . perfectly. His shoulders were slightly slumped back, and his arms hanging lifelessly beside him. And of course he had that awful green jacket of his, but it seemed a bit gray now.

I took a few more steps forward, and sound pierced the silence, breaking it. A twisted branch. And my foot on it. Mamoru turned around at the sound and gasped at my sight, apparently not expecting me.

"Usagi...?"

My name hung up in the air, and I replied. "Mamoru?" He smiled, finally. But what a sad smile it was. And short. It seemed I ended his trance and he faced me fully walking over to me. "What are you doing here, odango? Isn't it a bit too late for you to be outside?"

I nodded, but the shadows covered my face. I took one more step forwards, letting the moonlight bathe my face and body. "I could say the same for you." Mamoru looked at me questiongly. "What are you doing here Mamoru?"

He turned around to the Moon again, and waved his hand, dismissing my question. But he answered it. "I couldn't sleep. I come here often when I can't sleep. And you?"

"That makes two of us." To end my journey I stepped by him. Once again I noticed the longing look on his face. He towered over me, and memories of being in his arms flooded my mind. I shook my head pushing them away. Not now. I wanted to say something, just to break the building silence, but he did it instead of me.

"I don't know why I come here. This place appears to have some strange hold over me. It reminds me of something, but I just can't place my finger on it. It seems as a lost memory, but that sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?" He turned his head to look at me. But I didn't dare to look at him. So, I looked at the ground and my legs, that were slowly starting to fidget. 

"I know what do you mean. It's the same with me." Only I know why. came the response within me.

He laughed. "We are two strange creatures, aren't we? But really, Odango, what are you doing here, does your parents know where you are right now?"

"Usagi... And no."

He turned to me facing me with his whole body with an "Huh?" written all over his face. "Not Odango, Usagi. Why do you keep insisting on calling me that?"

"I don't know - it suits you. What would you like me to call you - Bunny?"

I spooned around, flinching at the word. "What did you say?"

"I said, or asked, would you rather prefer Bunny?"

We were now opposing each other, our eyes locked. Someone up there really hate me, to torture me like this. I sighed. "Call me what you want. It's not like you would listen to me anyway."

He obviously noticed the change in me posture, because he grabbed my shoulders asking me in almost pleading way. "Is there something I should know . . . Bunny?"

I dropped my look down again. "No. Why do you ask?" He let go of my shoulders and looked somewhere behind me. "I don't know. I have this strange feeling that I'm missing out on something and that it has to do with you in some way. That's all."

"Oh."

And again silence. I noticed the change in clouds when I averted my gaze upon the sky, and decided I should go. But my luck wasn't with me tonight. Just as I turned to go, soft melody started to play, coming beneath my shirt. "What's that?" Gods, why now? I hate that locket for making me do this. I pulled it out, and on the touch of my hand it opened, casting a hallow light between us. "It's something like a music box. It has a tendency to play when ever it wants."

"A gift?"

I looked up at him. Did he remember? How does he know? "Yes, a gift." 

"I see. From someone you love?"

"I think it's none of your business. But yes." An anger raised itself in me. Did he really remember and he was testing me or was it just his curiosity?

"I'm glad. It's nice to know one of us have someone to love." 

I stared at him. His eyes showed a flicker of pain, but only for a minute. No, this wasn't a test. "Is it just me, or are we really having this 'polite' conversation?"

His chuckle made its way to my ears. "No, it's not just you." He stepped away from me, preparing to leave. I couldn't let him. Not now. After all of this. 

The music stopped. "But that someone doesn't love me back."

He stopped in his tracks, and looked at me. "But why then a gift, if it wasn't from love?"

I placed the locket back around my neck and slid it in my shirt. I lifted my eyes back to the Moon and let out a loud sigh. "I don't know."

He retraced his steps back, and the music began again. A smirk found its way on his lips. "It seems to react at me, don't you think?"

I pulled it out again, and Mamoru approached me, taking my hand in his. "Say, why don't we use the time?"

Now, I was the one that has puzzled look on her face. "What do you mean?"

He cracked his head to left, his smirk still there. "Care to dance?"

I laughed. What can I do? He was my love. Lost. Just like me. And I was just a fifteen year old girl in love with this guy standing in front of me asking me to dance with him under the stars and the Moon in the middle of the night. And our orchestra would be this small object hanging from my neck on a golden string. "Why not?"

He took me in his arms. One of his hands at the small of my back and the other holding my right arm in his, close to his heart. My other hand on his shoulder. I gave in and leaned on him, placing my head on his chests. I could barely hear a laugh inside his chests, he was trying to hold it in. It startled me for a minute, but the movements and the music carried me away. I remembered a night like this. A balcony like this, but a millennium ago. The same music, the same mood, the same people.

Once again, a shivering of his chest, warned me. Why was he smiling? I felt more to cry, then to smile right now. I didn't even feel a small tear making its way down my face, then soaking in his shirt. He noticed. "What's it?"

I tried to compose myself, but only more tears slid from my eyes without intention of stopping. I smiled, and looked at him with my tears stroken face. Then . . .

"I missed that smile."

A question revealed in my eyes. "What do you mean?" I felt like repeating myself. I did.

"I took me a long time to realized why I was so much bothered by that nostalgic smile of yours." He was looking me straight in the eyes, while his fingers gently brushed the tears away. There weren't new ones. "I didn't know I had a nostalgic smile."

"O, yes you do. A quite old one."

Now I was worried. What was he rambling about? "Huh?" His smile reminded me of so many before I have seen coming from him.

"Do you know how old it is?"

I nodded in a 'no' way, still looking at him. A secret was shown in his blue eyes, now darker them the sky itself. He didn't spoke right away, and I hid my head in his shoulder again. " A thousand years old."

I snapped my head back at him, finally realizing what this all meant. It was a test. He led me here. He was at my window, that shadow I saw. Now, new tears formed in my eyes. He cupped my face in his strong hands, but held it so gently, so lovingly. I couldn't make myself angry at him.

Before settling his lips on my, in one breath he said: "Welcome back."

Deep, deep down, I knew it was meant not only for him, but for the both of us. It was a long time ago, really. But it was worth it. He had his memories back, and here we are, just like thousand years ago. And as it seemed we didn't change one bit.

While I was letting myself be wished away in his kiss, one last thought, sane, formed in my head. As if I had a revelation. Welcome back wasn't meant for me. Nor him.

No.

It was meant for the return of a love older than a time. A love stronger than anything. My love for him, and his love for me. And I couldn't help but not to ask myself if my dream was a dream at all. In some subconscious level I knew it was. But I liked the reality better.

Our kiss held an unspoken promise. Promise from both of us to love each other. There was so much emotions in that one kiss, and I knew there would be much more after it. Taking in some air, I said "Thank you." and smiled again.

He did too. He smiled for me. That one smile, no-one knew for who it was meant for. But I did. And that, together with a promise was enough for me to know why I loved this man. And he loved me back.

My smile grew bigger, and I could feel it had a trace of complete happiness in it. One of his hands found its way to my hair, tangling in it. A quick laughter escaped his lips. "I sure did miss it."

Everything was all right now.

The locket music began all over again, and he twisted me around in his arms. My mothers voice echoed in my head.

"The greatest love of all times doesn't have a beginning . . . nor the ending."

Now I finally understood what she meant. Once again Mamoru's lips searched mines, and a chant repeated in my head.

'Thank you'.

A simple smile was all that we needed.

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THE END

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